I am frustrated and peed off so feel the need to rant to anyone who may like to listen!!
Now those of you who know me well will have picked up a few things about me:
a) I am pro eating disorder recovery (hence the blog!)
b) I am a passionate advocate for positive body image.
c)I believe beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
Last night I took part in a body positivity hour hosted on Twitter where I joined others tweeting about what there body means to them, what they love and how they pledge not to put themselves down, so why today do I feel like a total hypocrite??
The answer to that came from a machine in my local pharmacy.
Yes I committed the mortal sin and weighed myself!! FFS!
Why you may ask? The reason being is that I have been steadily gaining weight over the past few months. I know this as I had to stop wearing jeans and buy elasticated waist jeggings.
My clothing size hasn't bothered me, I think I dress well and can make the most of what I have but I was concerned that if I didn't do something my waist-line would continue growing and that didn't sit comfortably with me.
I have been careful with what I eat, cutting back on alcohol, making changes to snacks, eating more healthily, exercising more but nothing has worked!! I seriously thought by weighing myself I would find that I had succeeded, I hadn't and all that did was make me feel bad about myself.
After discussing this with Hubby, he came up with a little light bulb moment. Yes we had been on holiday and probably lived life to the excess but generally my diet had remained the same. (until I changed it) so what was different?
I think the answer to this is medication. I had started back on anti-depressants at the beginning of the year, the same tablets I was prescribed when I had Anorexia. The same tablets that after putting the name into Google bring up, 'weight gain' in the search bar.
I have trawled through forum after forum, reading about people who rave about the wonders of this drug but are frustrated with the average weight gain of around 16 pounds!! No wonder my blooming jeans don't fit!
So now I have a choice. stay on the tablets but restrict my calorie intake just to maintain my current weight or come off the tablets and see how my head is!!
I have a GP appointment booked for this week so hopefully I can come up with some suggestions then.
In the meantime I'm off to the Indian Takeaway.